[ relief floods him, at proof of his use — his worth — however small. ]
I do. Well, up until Baldur’s Gate, as previously discussed.
[ though he knows she refers to the alternate history that overtook them. a temporal distortion. yet more illusory magic foisted upon them without a whisper of consent.
he swallows hard. ]
For what it’s worth, I had forgiven you long ago. Or he had.
[ for the pain of heartbreak. such is the way of love and youth both. it’s almost a novelty, to have experienced it young enough to cope with the pain, far better than he would when it came late in life. and, although a fondness for those he knew and loved in the other world remains, none can lay claim to his heart but the one who coaxed it back to life.
it makes it easier to sit at a remove, fingers entwined in astarion’s hair, even if his boyish fumbling seems no less embarassing from this distance.
(and if he doesn’t acknowledge their most recent encounter, their reflections changing in the night — well, one needn’t rush to unspool all at once, lest they entangle themselves anew.) ]
[ Shadowheart takes a long moment to respond, again; half-considers putting her phone down until she feels capable of properly having this conversation (even though she'd broached it), or responding with something detached, a little mean. What's there to forgive? None of it meant anything, anyway.
But she doesn't have it in her. Gale has been her friend here, has seen her tears and hasn't abandoned her for them. It would be easier to push him away, but--where has that gotten her? Nothing but an empty path through the Shadowfell. ]
You were a good boyfriend. For what it's worth.
And the first one I can remember.
[ If her feelings for the other people she was with in that life are stranger to disentangle, Gale is uncomplicated, in a way. She doesn't have to explain to him that she doesn't have her own memories to return to, like everyone else does. That that mirror of her was more whole than she'll ever be. ]
Somehow I don't think we were encouraged to hold hands between classes at the Cloister.
So--thank you. I don't mind that it was you. Or him.
[ as they navigate this newfound knowledge of each other, the last thing he expects from shadowheart is a compliment. you were a good boyfriend, an assertion at odds with the other astarion’s clear outline of his failings. a strike against mystra growing bored and then frustrated with him, too. he doesn’t linger in it for too long, thinking instead on the significance of being shadowheart’s first in that world and this one, with her memories stolen from her.
and even if she still possessed them — she speaks true. shar does not allow for sentimental attachments. for softness. for love. he feels impossibly touched, to have given her that (and be given that in turn, when mystra came to him as a boy; there were others after her, but none so all-consuming). ]
Oh. Thank you. I’m glad it was you, too.
[ and not another, with privileged knowledge of him when he was young and vulnerable and oh so gangly. ]
And I hope you know you can always unburden yourself with me.
[ A small knot loosens in her, for reasons she can't quite explain. Gale could have easily dismissed her, told her it wasn't real, that it all meant nothing. (The same shield she'd considered erecting, instead of offering him her vulnerability.)
He offers Shadowheart a gentle reflection, instead. Easier to hear--and say--all of this in writing, where he can't see her getting misty-eyed again. ]
[ Again, considers a number of responses to Gale's prompting: dismissive, snide, angry. She forces herself, instead, into the discomfort of the truth. ]
Shadowheart, we can’t even know how much of that other life was real.
And whether or not she had those things, you have yourself. The core of you, who so loves night orchids and fears wolves. You have myself and Astarion and our little hen. You have all who find you captivating here, and there are many who do.
You have your life. Your wants. Your future. What is a past compared to all of that?
[ for a man who is dying, still, it seems a great deal. ]
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I do. Well, up until Baldur’s Gate, as previously discussed.
[ though he knows she refers to the alternate history that overtook them. a temporal distortion. yet more illusory magic foisted upon them without a whisper of consent.
he swallows hard. ]
For what it’s worth, I had forgiven you long ago. Or he had.
[ for the pain of heartbreak. such is the way of love and youth both. it’s almost a novelty, to have experienced it young enough to cope with the pain, far better than he would when it came late in life. and, although a fondness for those he knew and loved in the other world remains, none can lay claim to his heart but the one who coaxed it back to life.
it makes it easier to sit at a remove, fingers entwined in astarion’s hair, even if his boyish fumbling seems no less embarassing from this distance.
(and if he doesn’t acknowledge their most recent encounter, their reflections changing in the night — well, one needn’t rush to unspool all at once, lest they entangle themselves anew.) ]
no subject
But she doesn't have it in her. Gale has been her friend here, has seen her tears and hasn't abandoned her for them. It would be easier to push him away, but--where has that gotten her? Nothing but an empty path through the Shadowfell. ]
You were a good boyfriend. For what it's worth.
And the first one I can remember.
[ If her feelings for the other people she was with in that life are stranger to disentangle, Gale is uncomplicated, in a way. She doesn't have to explain to him that she doesn't have her own memories to return to, like everyone else does. That that mirror of her was more whole than she'll ever be. ]
Somehow I don't think we were encouraged to hold hands between classes at the Cloister.
So--thank you. I don't mind that it was you. Or him.
cw grooming
and even if she still possessed them — she speaks true. shar does not allow for sentimental attachments. for softness. for love. he feels impossibly touched, to have given her that (and be given that in turn, when mystra came to him as a boy; there were others after her, but none so all-consuming). ]
Oh.
Thank you.
I’m glad it was you, too.
[ and not another, with privileged knowledge of him when he was young and vulnerable and oh so gangly. ]
And I hope you know you can always unburden yourself with me.
[ that hasn’t changed. ]
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He offers Shadowheart a gentle reflection, instead. Easier to hear--and say--all of this in writing, where he can't see her getting misty-eyed again. ]
You're a good friend, Gale.
I can't remember having many of those, either.
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After my folly, only a few tried to visit me, and I suspect that was largely to see how far I’d fallen.
[ in fairness, the old gale had been self-aggrandising and prideful. he wouldn’t begrudge them the satisfaction now.
since shadowheart seems open to talking, he pushes a bit further. ]
I imagine this is all very difficult for you.
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[ Again, considers a number of responses to Gale's prompting: dismissive, snide, angry. She forces herself, instead, into the discomfort of the truth. ]
That life felt more real than the one I know.
She felt more real than I do.
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[ can someone sound gently chiding over text? ]
Whyever would you think that? You’re as real as she was, to me. Moreso, even, for your sharper edges.
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Even when she lost them...she still had their memories. She could talk to them beyond the grave.
I have shadows where those memories should be.
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And whether or not she had those things, you have yourself. The core of you, who so loves night orchids and fears wolves. You have myself and Astarion and our little hen. You have all who find you captivating here, and there are many who do.
You have your life. Your wants. Your future. What is a past compared to all of that?
[ for a man who is dying, still, it seems a great deal. ]
1/2
I'm not yet sure what I want. But you're right, Gale. I suppose I can carve my own path now, as strange as it feels.
Thank you.
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[ ahem. ]
She hasn’t been very forthcoming, but she appears well enough. I imagine she’d tell you before me.
[ favoritism… from his only daughter…. ]